Ignorance

Pain fills my body as I read this; I almost wish I could give myself a hug. 

I just read through a letter I wrote as a middle schooler-- it was not to any given person, but more just a piece I wrote to vent about all my struggles at the time. I'm not one to forget things (I have a really good long-term memory--it's even better than my short-term) but for some reason I forgot I wrote this. Looking at it years later, my ignorance pains me and brings a horrific vibe to my entire body.

I was just so unaware of the reality of the world, and I don't know if I'm going to look back at my time in high school and feel the same way--that scares me a lot. I can't believe I spent all those years without a larger perspective of the world. Sure, I may have had an advanced perspective for my age, but it kills me that I couldn't realize how ridiculous I sounded. Not in totality-- my words were legitimate and so were my feelings, there's no denying that, but some of the things I said...it just hurts that I couldn't realize how small some of the things were in the scheme of life.

And even now I realize myself doing that--my obsession of some of my classes, for example, that I know will never affect me in the scheme of life. I'm glad I see it now, though, rather than after the time has passed and I regret it. I'm going to work on it; I know we are all ignorant due to lack of experience, but if I can help it, I'd like to prove that I can go beyond what I am expected to know and look back on this time and be content with my decisions.